We enjoy talking with many of you but we ask that you please
Read This Before You Call:

Some of this may sound ridiculous but it's not to us.

  1. Gather your thoughts before you call so you know what you are going to say.
  2. Lower the radio, stereo or whatever it is these days that produces loud musical sounds.
  3. Finish the argument with your mom, parents, wife, inlaw, son or whomever it is that you have a disagreement with prior to calling.
  4. Make certain you have a good cell connection. This is paramount! We don't want to play, "can you hear me now".
  5. Don't call us from your car because you have nothing else to do or no one else to talk to.
  6. Don't call when you've been drinking. We don't understand alco-phonics.
  7. If you just burned a doobie, call us tomorrow as time is not in slow motion for us.
  8. If you just hit the meth pipe or any psychotropic, get clean first then call.
  9. If you just downed some dilaudids, see #8.
  10. If you are calling to ask for a custom schedule you don't see on our calendar page, don't. We don't make custom schedules, choose from the ones we have and we give you 6 months to complete so there is no need to call. Just register using the form on the calendar page.
  11. If you cannot find it on our web site, 99.9% of the time we don't have it and no we don't know where you can get it; try Google. We are not the information desk at the library.
  12. If you cannot communicate your thoughts in a logical, orderly, conscious and semi-intelligent manner perhaps you would be better served by calling our competitors and be sure to tell them we referred you.
  13. Although we welcome people from all backgrounds, Please do not call us if you don't speak English at least fairly well. We do not speak German, Italian, Swedish, Russian, Japanese, Chinese, Taiwanese, any Eastern European, Asian, African languages, etc., Greek, Spanish, Portuguese or Alienese. We speak English, period. Please email us if your English is not very too good. We find this to be best although not sure how you'll understand the class or state exams as they're only available in English.
  14. To our friends calling from California: contrary to popular belief (in California), the world does not revolve around California. To the contrary, it revolves around eastern times so please adjust the time of your calls to coincide with Eastern Standard Time Zone when we actually work. We do not work at midnight nor when you get home from the club at 5am. (you can't imagine!)
  15. 15) Try to use your God given brains, have some respect and consideration for us and yourself when calling.

If anything above sounds ridiculous to you, then come spend a week answering our phones! You'll have a revelation and fully understand the term, "dumbing down of America".

Our phones get forwarded after hours but please once again see #15.